Anger Management (Dead Reckoning)
by ReeseLovesCarter
Summary: Previously Maddsgirl75 -This is how Dead Reckoning SHOULD HAVE ended. After John sent Carter away and wouldn't let her help him out of the bomb vest their story ended...or so you thought. What happened later that evening? If you've read any of my other fics, you really must have some idea ;-) Angry and hurt, find out how that anger is managed. One shot.
1. Chapter 1

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**So, like all good Reese/Carter shippers I personally think this is how Dead Reckoning should have ended ;-) I started off with the conversation that happened during DR when John wouldn't let Joss help him out of his bomb vest. I don't like episode re-writes so I tried to add my own little version of what could have been going on in Joss's head during the exchange.  
**

"John!"

"Carter."

"You need to get off of this floor right now."

"No...we need to get you outta that vest."

"You can't..."

"I saw enough of them in Iraq..."

His eyes flickered over to Fusco. "Get her outta here."

"John...please."

"There's no time. You've got too much to lose." He turned to walk away from her.

She felt sick. She was losing him. He wasn't listening to her. What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn't give up. Not now.

She reached out and grabbed his arm, her fingernails digging into his firm arm through his coat. She had to get through to him...somehow. His fingers closed around her arm and held her just as tightly.

"No! John. You're not doing that." She begged him with her eyes and hoped with every fiber of her being that he would listen.

He looked away from her. "Lionel." It was a one word command to her partner. As if Fusco had the balls to take her on. What the hell was John thinking?!

Fusco grabbed her. "Carter. He's right."

She stared daggers at him. She knew if looks could kill Fusco would be six feet under right now. "Get offa me." She hissed through clenched teeth.

Then Fusco said something that broke through, creating just a crack in her resolve to stay with John until she could talk some sense into him. "Think of your son."

A thousand thoughts ran through her head in a matter of seconds. He was right. Damnit. The one thing that she couldn't give up.

She looked back at John but he wouldn't meet her eyes. "John..." Something in her voice must have broken through. "You don't have to do this." She could feel her eyes filling up, threatening to overflow. She wanted to be strong, unemotional, but she was fighting a losing battle.

His eyes flickered to hers. The steely resolve she saw there scared her, but what really broke her was that glimmer of fear. Her big, tall, strong Man in the Suit wasn't supposed to be scared. He was supposed to be fearless...inhuman. She swallowed hard. But he wasn't. He was just a man. Flesh and blood. Scared.

"You know I do..." His mouth turned up in what could almost be called a smile. "'Cause you'd do the exact same thing." Then, that sliver of fear was gone. It was like he'd pulled a curtain closed and that little piece of infallibility was hidden once again. She fell in love with him at that very moment. She would always remember that moment for the rest of her life.

Joss felt his hand go slack and start to pull away from her arm. It took so much effort to let go of him that she thought it would bring her to her knees.

"Thank you." He whispered. His eyes slid to Lionel's and back to hers again. "Both of you."

He turned and walked away from her. Joss wanted to go after him. The only thing that stopped her was the gentle reminder that Fusco was still there and that she needed to leave...for Taylor.

"Come on, Carter. Let's go...Come on."

She allowed him to lead her back down the stairs and out of the building.

Fusco tried in vain to get her to his car. His voice was muted. She assumed he was trying to talk her into leaving. That somehow being away from the building when John was inevitably blown to bits would be any easier if she didn't actually _see_ it happen. No, she would be there when it happened.

She barely heard Fusco say, "Must've been a dud."

That snapped her out of her fog just before she felt the concussive force of a bomb exploding...but NOT on the roof. Her head swung towards the street on the south side of the building. She ran towards it.

It looked like a car had exploded and a horrible thought occurred to her. What if John had leapt off the building to save Finch from going up in the blast with him and the bomb had exploded after he hit the car below?

She ran towards it but the bomb had completely destroyed two cars. There was no way she would be able to tell if it was John. She felt a pair of large arms engulf her before her knees hit the concrete sidewalk. With no strength left to hide her emotions she grabbed onto Fusco and sobbed.

Joss felt him half walk, half pull her down the sidewalk and around the building to his cruiser.

The lights of the city flew by in a watery blur. Her head bumped against the window where it rested the entire trip. When the car finally stopped, she felt Fusco undo her seatbelt. The walk to her building and up to her apartment was another blur of motion. Thankfully he had his arm around her waist to keep her from falling because she most certainly would have. Hell, she wouldn't have even made it this far if he hadn't driven her. She'd still be there at the building drowning in a puddle of her tears.

Fusco was saying her name. Asking something.

"What?" She asked.

"Your keys. You got 'em on ya?"

Joss nodded and reached into her coat pocket. She pulled out her set of keys and fumbled them into the lock. Fusco pushed the door open and led her inside. He helped her shrug her coat off and hung it up.

"You want me to get ya a beer or anything?"

She shook her head.

"Is Taylor home?"

She shook her head and stood there staring down at the arm of the couch next to her.

"Ya know, I could stay if ya need me to."

"I'll be fine." Her breath caught at the last word. Clearing her throat, she said it again. "I'll be fine."

"Uh huh." He said, under his breath. "OK then. I'll get outta here. You call me if ya need anything. Alright?"

This time she nodded. "Thanks, Lionel."

"Yeah. Talk to ya tomorrow."

The door closed quietly behind him. She didn't even turn to lock it. She heard the quiet ticking of the clock on the wall. It reminded her of the old fashioned type of bombs that were detonated at a certain time...the ticking just a death march to when it would explode.

Her breath caught suddenly and she ran to her bathroom. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet and threw up. Her stomach heaved until there was nothing left. How she kept from puking in the car when Fusco was driving her home was nothing more than sheer will power.

Tears were streaming down her face and dripping down into the water. She reached up and pulled down the lever to flush. She started to rise to wash her face off but her legs gave out and she fell back down. She grabbed the towel off the rack and laid down on the bathroom floor using it as a pillow.

The sobs wracked her entire body. She wept because her knees hurt, her back hurt, her heart hurt, but most of all she wept because of the thought that John had been blown to pieces. How could he not have allowed her to stay and help? That hard headed, infuriating, lovely, unselfish man! His life was nearly over and all he'd been thinking about was keeping her safe.

The noise of her own crying kept her from hearing the tell-tale creaking of the floor right outside of the bathroom door. She barely registered the feeling of the cool, damp rag being wiped gently across her forehead. It was her name being whispered in a soft, soothing voice that finally broke her out of her trance.

"Joss..."

She lifted her head and looked up through wet eyelashes at the source of the voice, the reason for her tears; _he_ was kneeling right next to her...on her bathroom floor... Her eyes took him in. He looked like he'd just walked out of a GQ magazine shoot. Bastard!

Gone was the suit he'd been in earlier; under which the bomb vest had been strapped. Now he sported a deep red polo and dark blue jeans. She thought she might actually hate him at this moment. She _wanted _to hate him for looking so devastatingly and fucking gorgeous while she was sprawled out on her bathroom floor after puking the entire contents of her stomach up not too long ago.

The fact was, she couldn't hate him no matter how hard she tried...and she _did _try.

"John?" She was terrified that he might be a dream; that she'd fallen asleep after getting sick and he was just a sick, cruel dream.

She tried to sit up, propping herself up on her elbow, before John's hands reached out to her. Pushing them away, she sat up a little more but got no further than the edge of the tub. Her head spun and the fear that she might get sick again was the only thing that kept her from fighting to move any further.

"Joss, let me help..." Again, she heard his soft, soothing tone that made her want to curl up against his chest and fall deep asleep...or fuck his brains out; she wasn't sure which. Oh wait, she'd just puked. Yep, definitely curl up and go to sleep, until all of the embarrassment had subsided...then on to fucking his brains out. Oh God. What the hell was she thinking?! He was dead. This had to be a dream. If it wasn't, she was going to kill him for putting her through this shit.

"Are you..." Her voice broke. "...really here John 'cause you're...you're dead?"

"No...I'm not. I..."

His hand was reaching out again. She tried to move back, but her head started spinning again. _Fuck!_

He was quiet for a moment.

"Let's get you up and into bed."

"I can manage." Her voice sounded so harsh. "I don't want your help." Just like he didn't want her help earlier. _Damn stubborn ass man._

"You look like you could use it."

"Yeah, well...I don't want it!" She knew she was being childish, but she was so angry with him that she couldn't stop the words before they were tumbling out of her mouth.

The look on his face was like a slap to hers. Gone was the smart-ass smirk and the famous snarky retorts; he just tilted his head and looked at her with genuine concern. That overwhelming feeling to curl up against him, to press her ear against his warm chest hit her again. Instead of giving in to it, she let the stubborn, hardhead within her out to play.

"Don't." She spat out.

"Don't wh..."

"Don't look at me with that...that look."

"What look?"

"That look of pity. I hate pity. I don't want it; I don't need it...especially from you." She knew she was being irrational, cruel even but she couldn't seem to help it. Her anger mixed with fear and sadness combined to form a lethal combination of ammunition and she was firing every bit of it at him.

His brow wrinkled. She'd surprised him, that much she could tell. She thought she might have seen a little bit of hurt there too just before the blank mask of John Reese slammed down over it.

"I don't pity you Carter." He stood up and she thought he was going to leave her. Instead he stretched out his hand to her. "Get up...now."

Damn. Not only was he NOT leaving, he was _making_ her get up. Shit, she was probably going to make a fool of herself if she let him help her. She couldn't have that. She had a tough-as-nails reputation to uphold. "Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter? I said get up." His hand with those incredibly long, sexy fingers of his twitched.

She really did want to take it, but didn't. "I can get myself up."

She braced herself on her hands and rolled up onto her knees. As soon as she tried to stand her knees gave way. She expected to hit the ground hard, but instead strong arms caught her around the waist and lifted up slowly pulling her against a warm, hard chest.

She turned her head away but allowed the side of her cheek to rest up against it. She was aware enough that her breath must reek and there was no way she was going to expose him to that...no matter how pissed off she was at him.

Her eyes turned towards the sink. She'd love to get her teeth brushed but she'd have to get away from him to be able to do that..

His long arms tightened around her as if he had read her mind.

"I need to rinse my mouth out." Her voice was still raspy from the torrent of acid and sick that it had just been exposed to. She blanched at the sound.

He gently turned her towards the sink but kept an arm around her to steady her.

Joss leaned down on one of her forearms resting it against the cool, faux marble sink top and turned on the cold water. Greedily she scooped a handful of water into her mouth and swished it around. She spit it out as gracefully as she could, knowing that he was watching her carefully. Those ever-changing blue eyes were boring holes into every inch of her that they lit upon.

John's arm left her for just a moment. She watched as he picked up her toothbrush and squeezed a bit of toothpaste onto it and handed it to her.

She took it from him and set to work on brushing her mouth out. When she felt it was sufficiently clean she rinsed again and a couple more times for good measure. John's arm had returned and his other held out the hand towel for her.

"Thanks," she whispered after drying off her mouth.

"Come on." He pulled her gently out into the hall. She reluctantly allowed him to.

She was acutely aware of the warmth starting to spread from where his arm touched her. The heat branched out and bled into other parts of her body unbidden. She tried to ignore it but it wasn't really working out so well for her.

When they reached her bedroom she tried to step away from him but his fingers curled around her arm keeping her almost pinned to his side.

"John. I'm good. You can go now." Joss still wasn't one hundred percent certain that she wasn't having some elaborate hallucination and that he hadn't been strewn in pieces all over the street somewhere.

"I'm not going anywhere."

She felt something inside her snap. She must have surprised him when she stepped back so quickly because she was able to break away from the hold of his arm.

"No, no you don't get to make that call again."

"Joss..." His tone conveyed a bit of warning, but she didn't give a shit at this point.

She ploughed on through.

"Stop! You saw fit to handle tonight on your own. You didn't want my help and you got your way. Well, here's payback. I don't want your damn help. Get the hell out." She started to turn away and mumbled, "You're probably not even really here."

Strong fingers whipped out and gripped onto her arm preventing her from getting too far. She knew she couldn't break away but that didn't stop her from trying.

"Let. Go. Of. Me." She growled out each word distinctly.

Her eyes flew to his. What she saw there surprised the shit out of her. Where she expected to see a fight, she saw a sad almost hurt look in his eyes.

It was almost like a physical blow. The wind was sufficiently knocked out of her proverbial sails; her lungs deflated and her shoulders slumped.

"Is that what you think?" His soft voice was almost too quiet to hear.

"What?"

His brows knit together in a look she didn't see on John...ever. Uncertainty.

"You...you really think that I _didn't_ want your help?"

"Well...how could I _not _think that? I was practically begging to help you and you shut me down."

He kept hold of her but shook his head as his eyes dropped to where his hand was. "I thought I was clear."

"Oh, you came across loud and clear, John. You were in charge. You were going to handle it by yourself just like always and you only want my help when YOU see fit. Now, let go of me and get out."

His eyes snapped up to meet hers, all traces of the uncertainty were now gone.

"No. I just..."

His words were cut off by the sound of her hand meeting forcefully with his face. She couldn't believe what she'd just done. He'd been so intent on speaking that she had been able to get the upper hand on him and caught him off guard.

The moments following were engulfed in utter silence. In what felt like minutes but in all reality was probably only seconds, several things happened. John's jaw went slack and his mouth fell open in surprise, Joss's jaw dropped mirroring his, and she was now completely certain that he was indeed alive and not some figment of her imagination.

Her tongue swiped quickly across her lips. "John...I'm so sorry..." she stammered along trying to find the words to explain the hurt, fear, anger, and utter sadness that she'd felt that had caused her to completely lose her mind. "I didn't think...I honestly didn't think you...were real."

She was jerked towards him with such force that it was several seconds before she realized that she was engulfed in his arms and his lips were devouring hers. The shock kept her from kissing him back until his teeth pulled at her bottom lip awakening her from the trance. He was still holding one of her arms tightly, but her other arm the - one she'd just assaulted him with seconds ago - rose and snaked around his neck.

Her sharp nails dug into his shoulder right at the base of his neck while her lips met his with equal fervor. A low growl erupted from somewhere deep within him when her tongue met his at the entrance to her mouth.

The hand that had been holding her arm rose to cup her face giving him more control. His palm rested against her cheek and his large fingers splayed across the back of her head while his thumb made firm passes over cheekbone. He tilted her head giving him better access to her mouth. Before, their lips were frenzied and gasping but when he moved her they fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

Joss moaned and brought her other hand up, now free, to fist in his shirt. She hated the bunched up material because it was a barrier between her and his skin. Her desire to touch him, feel him pressed against her, skin on skin was overwhelming. She let go and slid her hand up just a little further where the polo opened at his neck, giving her just a sliver of uncovered skin. Her fingers played with the smattering of soft hair there while their lips continued their feasting of each other.

Joss's body was a chaotic mass of emotions. John's hands were roaming all over her, rubbing and grasping and scratching. She had no idea where his body ended and hers began. Her thoughts were muddled by the fog that had descended, clouding her mind but one errant and annoying little thought kept poking its head through and reminding her that she was supposed to be pissed off. It had her groaning in frustration while John's hands and lips had her moaning in ecstasy.

She felt herself being pushed backwards by his strong arms. Even with her eyes tightly closed she was conscious enough to know that they were headed towards the wall next to her bed. When her back hit the solid surface his hands lowered to grasp her hands. He lifted them up above her head where he pinned her wrists tightly together with only one of his hands.

For the first time since he'd started kissing her, his lips left hers. They were both gasping for breath but he seemed to recuperate much quicker than she did. He nuzzled her softly, running his nose and cheek against hers.

Her eyes slowly opened and she gazed up at him through her lashes. He met her eyes and smirked wickedly.

"Does that feel _real_ enough for you, Joss?"

God, she loved the sound of her name when he said it. Her eyes slipped closed again.

"Hey, look at me." His other hand lifted her chin forcing it up.

She complied, but only long enough to look up at him and say, "no." Then she promptly closed them again.

His chest pushed firmly against hers pinning her even closer to the wall and forcing the air from her lungs. "No?"

Her mouth pulled up in a small smile. Her eyes still shut tight. "No."

She felt a large hand slide agonizingly slowly down her arm, over her hip, and down to the back of her thigh. His fingers gripped her there and pulled up suddenly wrapping her leg around the back of his hip. His hips rolled into her and she moaned when his hard cock pushed against her. She grabbed her lower lip between her teeth overwhelmed by the sheer desire to have him buried inside of her. If it wasn't for the fact that she was still pissed at him she might have just acquiesced and looked at him. Hell, she would've done anything and everything but her foolish pride and her anger wouldn't allow her to.

Her thoughts were interrupted by his lips attacking the sensitive skin right at the base of her neck. There was no way that he could know that she loved that part of her body to be..."OH!" she cried out suddenly and her head tilted back as far as she could take it with the wall stopping her progress. He'd nipped her, taking the skin between his teeth and pulled back gently. She dug her fingers into his shoulders. There was certainly no hiding her approval of his actions now.

"Look at me." His hot breath whispered against her neck, warmed her skin deliciously. His other hand slid down her arm and met his other one at the waistband of her pants. His dexterous fingers made quick work of undoing the button and zipper while her own hands dropped to follow suit on his.

Joss shook her head. Instead of the angry "no" like before, it was a breathy, almost moaned "no."

She felt him chuckle against her as he slipped his hands inside her pants and slid them over her generous hips and down her thighs. "Mmm. Joss you're going to lose this one I think."

At that point Joss had his pants undone. She let her leg slide down his and grabbed the waistband of his pants, carefully pulling them over his lengthy shaft and pushing them down over his hips. They fell quickly to the floor. His knees bent and he straightened up positioning himself right between her thighs.

The bastard certainly knew what he was doing...teasing her mercilessly.

She lifted her leg, sliding it slowly up his thigh to hug his hip again. Her hand ghosted across his hip and down between them where her fingers wrapped around his length.

She heard his breath hitch and she smiled to herself. Take that! He wasn't the only one who knew what to do here.

He reached down and grabbed both of her hands and once again brought them up above her head. Groaning, she tried to tug them from his grasp but she was no match for his strength. He chuckled again.

"Nope," he drawled, "look at me first."

Keeping her eyes tightly closed, because that really was the only thing she had that he wanted at this point, she turned her head to the side and whispered, "Fuck you."

"You can...as soon as you look at me."

He slid himself between her legs rubbing his hard cock against her clit but he wouldn't enter her. Teasing bastard. She wouldn't give in. If the idiot had just let her help maybe they could have skipped the angry bits and driven right on through to this. God knows she'd wanted it for months now, she'd just hidden it well. Now that he was here, doing what she'd dreamed about him doing she couldn't even let herself enjoy it because of her all-consuming anger. She knew better than to let it get the best of her but she wasn't feeling in control of her rational side at the moment.

Her eyes suddenly flew open and bored into his. She could tell her fury surprised him. "NO!" she yelled. "I don't _want_ to look at you now, damnit!"

His chin pulled back like she'd slapped him again and she watched his neck contract as he swallowed hard. His mouth opened and then shut as if he were going to speak but found that he couldn't.

"I wanted to look at you hours ago, I wanted to help you." She didn't know how long she stared directly into his beautiful eyes. A watery blurr marred her vision and she then allowed her lids to sink closed. She felt the warm tears slide down her cheeks.

He whispered something so softly she didn't hear it. Then she felt his lips on her face kissing her down the tracts of her tears. His tongue slipped out between his soft lips to taste them. "Look at me, Joss. Please."

Joss shook her head but slowly allowed her eyes to open.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just didn't want anything to happen to you. You have so much to live for and I didn't want Taylor to grow up without both a father and a mother."

He was right of course but she was still angry that he'd taken the choice away from her. She'd get over it, she just needed to be angry for a bit.

"Please...don't hate me for what I did."

That floored her. Hate him? She couldn't hate him, but obviously he thought she did at the moment.

She swallowed hard. "I couldn't hate you John. Ever." Her eyes traveled from his eyes down to his mouth and back up again. "Don't you see...I lo.."

Before she could finish what she'd begun to say his mouth was on hers. Suddenly her hands were freed and she was being lifted up by two strong arms. Seconds later, her back hit the bed, her legs were parted and John slid inside her.

Joss cried out his name and gripped him tightly between her knees. Immediately he began moving in a rhythm as old as time. He impaled her fully and pulled back retreating almost completely before plunging back into her again.

His arms were wrapped underneath her back pulling her close so that their still covered chests slid against each other as he moved. It wasn't exactly how she'd dreamed but she certainly wasn't complaining. She loved this hard-headed, asinine, gorgeous, sweet, and caring man and she wouldn't give up one second of being with him now or any second afterwards. She'd fight anyone and everything to be with him. She may not be able to spend every moment with him, she may even have to be apart from him sometimes, but it certainly wouldn't last long. And if the way he held her tightly to him was any indication, he felt the exact same way about her.

"John," she gasped between thrusts.

He didn't respond, he only increased his pace. He rolled his hips pushing against her clit causing her to cry out and arch her back. She felt a searing wave of heat roll through her and then the orgasm hit her without warning. Joss called out John's name over and over, breathing in and exhaling it breathily as his thrusts abruptly stopped. His body tensed and he bowed his head to her chest and spilled himself within her.

After several deep breaths he raised his head and looked at her. A sated smile graced his beautiful lips. She wasn't sure whether to look at it or his stunningly dark blue eyes. While she was trying to decide he leaned down and captured her mouth in the sweetest kiss she'd ever experienced. Instead of the frenzied, angry kisses from before, now it was soft and slow.

When he finally leaned back enough for her to look up at him she couldn't help the soft sigh from escaping her mouth. Yeah, she was definitely in love with him. There was no denying it. She'd almost been able to tell him but he'd interrupted her. This time she'd get it out.

Her mouth once more opened to say the words when he smiled and whispered, "I love you too."

**Please review! I read each and every one and try desperately to respond to them all :-)**


	2. Chapter 2

Hi all! It's me Maddsgirl75.

Sorry for the "ghost" chapter to this one.

I needed to change my pen name but I didn't want to delete my fics and have to repost them and lose all of my wonderful reviews that I've received over the years.

I'm going to delete and repost the last chap of all my stories so that hopefully it'll get the word out there. Any stories you were following before you'll need to refollow if you still like them :-)

Hopefully I'll get to update them soon, and I appreciate everyone that has read and reviewed my fics~

...And yes, I'm thinking about actually writing more for this particular fic ;-)


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